Dream

When I'm here in your arms I feel love in my heart, I can breathe
Not even pinchin' myself I don't care, I'm with you, you're with me
I never wished on the star when the star ain't got nothing on me
'Cause I can wish you in my dreams.

I think the luckiest girl in the whole wide world could be me
I get be with the one that I love anytime I please
I feel like I can stay forever beyond eternity
Is like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

It took a lot of time just to get to, to be with you baby
And now that I'm here with you I'm gonna take it in, breath you in
And if I'm dreaming let the dream be that I'm awake
'Cause I rather dream about you than be living life without me and you.
You

When I close my eyes I feel like I'm alive
'Cause I can fall asleep knowing that tonight you will be here with me,

Let me know, if this is a dream,
Then I don't wanna know,
'Cause I ain't 'bout to be without you babe, (without you babe) ohh.
Let me know, if this is a dream,
Then I ain't letting go,

'Cause everything I love is about you babe, about you babe
So I rather be a dreamer than waking up with nobody home
If it's the only way to be with you then dreaming you is where I belong

"Beyonce"

Purple clouds

Smiling throughout the day, gazing at this piece of paper that is making me feel extremely happy. I ask myself am I happy or happy?   I am blessed and it’s blissful.  So I take a book try to cover up for my smile, cause am in a public transport and people will wonder if I am mad, well yes madly in love.

Earlier on: Crossing the road and cars are the least in my mind, all I am thinking of is to get myself a cup cake to seal the joy. Could it possible in a week I will be getting the pleasure once again, that long lost feeling of being in purple clouds, well I hope so, in fact I have only step left to the finali.

Oh God I pray hard this not be taken away.  It only makes me look forward to something beautiful, something to dream of. I forget about my problems, I look at his picture and I see hope, I see care importantly I see love, comfort and joy.

I am counting down, I am getting everything I will need, my rooms turns into a fashion aisle, can’t help a girl wanting to impress though I know it’s not important to him but I still feel like I have to do it.

I don’t know what to expect, am scared at the same time, I know it’s not the first time or the second time it’s probably in the thousands but it still feels like the first time.

I want to make a mark I want to leave an everlasting memory something he won’t forget, it doesn’t come easy or cheap, but I found it, unexpectedly and yes it was the right one, at the perfect time.

Young, gifted and independent, and I am glad to call him part of me. My time has come, I must embrace it, each day I live I make it possible to be living it for both of us and give it my best. All my dreams are a heartbeat away, and it’s a week before I reach them.

I have made plans and I am more than I could ever offer, I give you myself, you won my heart, its purple clouds, stars and the moon smiling at me.

I let myself be, I am this way and it’s not about to change, and though I cannot shake the feeling it could be almost not possible. The little details that make a girls dream just another huge fantasy.

 This fact scares the living hell out of me.

Let it not do away with my heart. I think I would not die but die. It could give a mount to the weakness in me. I have more than love and I know my capabilities, it could cause chaos in love.  Am I being the week or he is very strong for my being?  I am not asking for too much and I am not dreaming too big for possibilities, it’s a wish.

 And all wished should be granted.

And my book is wet now because the smile turned into tears.

I need to hold you.

you and me : me and you

Reality sucks

Facing reality is the worst phrase ever, it comes with a lot of changes and sacrifices so ‘facing reality’, reality sucks.

No one ever wants to be told they have to live a certain way and do things differently; in-fact if it was possible we would do whatever we want whenever. But it doesn’t work like that some will always be there to rectify your mistakes or either order you to do it their way.

I know personally and somehow it makes you feel stupid and angry sometimes, but you may never see what they see or understanding their point of view.

Having to correct a small mistake is one thing but to change your lifestyle for someone is something else.

I do not understand people who would expect you to round up your entire existence for them, it’s the same reason we have high rate of suicides, because once you do as they wish they get fed up later in time and while you have done everything for them, now when you reject them they see no reason to live ‘without out you’ they cannot find their independence since you took it, you take their life as well. 

Facing reality who is the cause of death, would you forgive yourself for an indirect murder? What do you think God thinks about you, for interest sake I went through the bible and it says:

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Now for you have partake in ruining Gods plan, how would you feel, I mean have considered why some people kill themselves? 

 It’s the same motive a person decides to tell the whole world about other people’s problems and personal lives. How do you begin to disclose in a social network about what other person does in their own little closet or maybe it’s your assumptions?

Do you even recognise the division and delusions you’re causing or all you wonder and dream about is you being popular for the wrong reasons.

 This situation is worsened when you write people’s names. For Christ sake what’s going on your humanity, why should we all feel that we have been hit by a volcano because you decided to ‘spill the beans’.

People who are our day by day murders are those we laugh with daily, those who destroy our friendship and families in the name of telling the truth. Facing reality honesty is not a 30seconds game it needs you to consider all angles and conditions.

To make state inferior you drag the Lords name in your opinion to the mud, mentioning his name in things that are going to destroy other people live is not what God would intend to do and I do not think you being the ‘mouth piece ‘wanna be’ would make you look any better you just as twice as horrible.

People say I would rather be hurt with the truth than be happy with lies, facing reality we lying to ourselves.

 When you have personal problems deal with them, do not write unnecessary notes.  Nobody was made perfect and no one will ever be.

Why do we have to live happily by demeaning and threatening other people? How do you sleep at night when you know someone might think of homicide because of you?

But what can we really do about that, we just have to accept there are people like that and move on with our lives, pray to God that they may never achieve to whatever evil or dirt they are think.

 But mostly pray for them to see the light and change their manner of doing things. 

For all I can say watch what you are doing you may never who has a cameo and will bring disrepute over your life.

Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Everything happens for a reason so they say and it’s all going to be alright they convince themselves, facing reality it things you could be the reason and it will take time to be alright, this is not some fairy world is earth and facing reality it sucks.

Ncumisa U Magadla

Am all dressed up in love

Where does one begin to express feelings when feelings take over life? Is it even possible, still it doesn’t matter he is still my sunshine. Loving someone is one thing, but having him to love you back is something else, it’s a rare feeling, but believe me you it feels awesome.

It happened to me, unexpected and everything happened so fast, couldn’t care less but go with the flow.

 So it happened 9 August 2011, his birthday. It’s funny how you think I must have been his best gift, and I guess 9 is my fortune number.

My lucky charm, my friend, my brother and yes the love of my life. What an effect he has made in my being, I have grown I have learnt in such a short period of time with him, it feels like decades I consider myself double blessed.

One would argue its usually like that the first few months well yes its suppose to be and right now  am focusing on it, future will reveal itself, it doesn’t matter how it turns out, at the moment let me enjoy what I have and proud of.

Funny how the small things we do mean so much to people and live with them forever.  Some people will never understand why I chose him and nobody else, but contrary to belief, we can’t really choose who we love, same happened to me and am happy, easy to smile and easy to cry, it all comes with the package.

We come from different back grounds, I guess that’s what makes us enjoy each other’s company, he’s is from the getto side of world and am from the more ‘indoor’ side infect the only people I ever had was my family, so we are always telling each other memories we have made through that kind of life we have lived , but obviously, mine is always the boring one and I laugh hahahaha.

I am happy and I am so scared, mixed emotions yes it’s a girl thing but this is a life alarming feeling, it comes with a lot of questions and concerns, some of them I cannot even ask, it’s like you do not know when to ask, how to ask incase u might say just the wrong thing, and not being with him is just impossible for now.

Distance came along in the way, “Gosh why now”  where my exact words and it was like that, couldn’t have changed the matter, all  I had to do is to keep it going and convince myself it’s all going to come together one day and beat the game, and certainly we will.

While there are those who have been fortunate in finding the love of their life, there are others who are still searching for that someone special. Whichever category you fall into, the allure of the perfect love life fascinates each of us, and yes I am one of those who have been lucky enough to fall in love with a perfect men.

 Now I have said all the great things but facing reality the story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

God gives all of us a chance to be loved and cherished this is my chance and I thank Him every day for the person he has given me.

Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materialises. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.

I am living my life now and with him Khanyiso Tshwaku am loved and safe.

Ncumisa Magadla

Hands

I haven't forgotten
That I am just one person,
That I am but one voice
Attempting to stand out
From the crowd.

I remember
That I have fallen
Amidst the laughter
That surrounds me, and that sometimes
It gets too loud.

I know
That I can't sit here
And expect my silence
To evoke change
Without reason.

I can see
That I don't know everything,
That I can't expect
My hand to be held
Always.

I can feel
That time is slipping
By me, that it
Will be gone if I just
Stand still.

I have heard
That there are a million
Other voices that sound
Like mine, that want also
To be heard.

I've been told
That it's not enough to
Wish for dreams, that I
Have to work them
Into reality.

I know that I don't know
All that I think I know.
I know I won't see all of
The places I wish to go.
I know I'm not ready
For all that the world demands,
You don't have to always hold me,
Just let me see your hands.

I know
That there's a lot
That I won't understand,
That you don't have all
Of the answers.

I haven't forgotten
That I have to grow up
And someday live without
Your voice, your opinion--
Making my own decisions.

I know that I don't know
All that I think I know.
I know that I may not see all
Of the places I want to someday go.
I know I'm not ready for everything
That I won't always understand
You don't have to always hold me
But sometimes. . .
Just let me touch your
Hand.

author :Jherine N. Saine 

This is how greatly I value your hands!

The miraculous hands

Sweet melodies

 His voice sounds like a thousand instruments delicately playing a sweet harmony for me. I call it the Benmolidies!

Am caught in-between chocolate and caramel, both sweet and my favourite. Choosing is not my thing and choosing the wrong person would be a hit by a truck….the thought continues every night, as maddening as it I still go both routes, the other one is what I have always sought but only my mind is in it, and the other one was an unexpected but my whole heart is in it, so the BIG Q remains should I follow my heart or mind?

Let’s make it practical I follow the mind, the heart is not there, and that’s sort of ineffective, because I won’t enjoy or maybe put my memory on it. But the good part is it might work if I give it time, but whoa do I have the time?? I don’t know.

Then I follow my heart, my whole compassion is there, (I forget about everything) God. You tell me things and they lock themselves inside; you do things to me that make me miss you when you are not there.

 I pray every day for you, pray you never go away from my life; your smile breaks my smile too. You talk to me and my world unwraps, but it would hurt my pride to tell you how I really feel about you, only because you do not feel the same way I do. 

You're the only image in my mind so I still see you... around where ever I go... And I blame it all in your voice.

My words don’t always come out right but I mean them….Am I insane?

Let me not continue because if I do I always have my eyes filled with tears, if you ask me what are they for, I would probably not have the right answer, I still fall, and it’s all because of your voice.

I do not even know why am writing notes like this, but nothing is stopping me not to, I put the blame  to your voice, it sounds more like  my ears were made to hear whatever you say, I retaliate to my thoughts about that, I cannot take everything you say, that  makes me your emotional victim. I am trying to climb over my heart, but it appears too high…and I blame it on your voice.

Maybe you like it but I don’t know about me, and I blame it all in voice. Because you say enough for both of us, you talk am calm but I fight that, I should remain uniquely vocal too.

If I would say more now I would be trying to convince both you and others that am in love with you, sadly I also do not know how I feel, this little piece of writing is too long to me I don’t know about you but you would also blame it to your voice…. 

Sssshhhh!!! I love you and it’s all because you spoke to me…….YOUR VOICE!

Bad bathroom habits

The bathroom is the one place in our homes where our real personalities are revealed, it is where we get to chill and let it all hang.

 It also brings out the nasty side of us, women and men, young and old.

Imagine the shock, embarrassment you would feel if a person video recorded you while going on about your business in this private room.

Imagine the embarrassment if a person caught you on tape while you’re down to business in this private room?

These are some of the nasty things we do:

1. Men have a habit of not lifting the toilet sit when they peeing or if they remember to, they don’t put it down after, this irritates women no end.

2. What makes you bring that toilet paper you just used to wipe your faecal to your nose, what you expecting to smell?

3. Don’t we all wipe, fold and wipe again with the same toilet paper?

4. What really beats logic is when we get up and look down there while lifting the pants, there can only be one thing there, what you deposited!!

5. Men can’t resist playing with their little dingles and that is just nasty when you consider that very same hands will be touching the door lock everybody uses.

6.Women always leave their underwear’s, usually those that are not sexy soaked overnight in the sink, where do they expect family members to brush their teeth in the morning is anyone’s’ guess.

7. Are you left hand or right hand, do you go around or underneath when wiping, the accepted way is around, left hander’s have been accused of going underneath.

8. Some people have a habit of flashing and just go out; this is when it is appropriate to look in there, after you flashed because sometimes there would be a little piece floating there. Nobody wants to see somebody else’s faecal.

9. What is this business of reading in the toilet, what is a study or your front room sofa for, reading Madiba’s Long Walk to Freedom in the toilet is just not on.

10. Why do people sit before they check everything is in order, some people will scream for a toilet paper to be brought to them in the toilet, shit face is just not pretty.

The nasty things we do depend on the individual of cause, but the possibilities are unlimited. Both sexes accuse each other of being the worst, but the truth is we are all the same.

(Sipiwo Nkonki)

References