Hands

I haven't forgotten
That I am just one person,
That I am but one voice
Attempting to stand out
From the crowd.

I remember
That I have fallen
Amidst the laughter
That surrounds me, and that sometimes
It gets too loud.

I know
That I can't sit here
And expect my silence
To evoke change
Without reason.

I can see
That I don't know everything,
That I can't expect
My hand to be held
Always.

I can feel
That time is slipping
By me, that it
Will be gone if I just
Stand still.

I have heard
That there are a million
Other voices that sound
Like mine, that want also
To be heard.

I've been told
That it's not enough to
Wish for dreams, that I
Have to work them
Into reality.

I know that I don't know
All that I think I know.
I know I won't see all of
The places I wish to go.
I know I'm not ready
For all that the world demands,
You don't have to always hold me,
Just let me see your hands.

I know
That there's a lot
That I won't understand,
That you don't have all
Of the answers.

I haven't forgotten
That I have to grow up
And someday live without
Your voice, your opinion--
Making my own decisions.

I know that I don't know
All that I think I know.
I know that I may not see all
Of the places I want to someday go.
I know I'm not ready for everything
That I won't always understand
You don't have to always hold me
But sometimes. . .
Just let me touch your
Hand.

author :Jherine N. Saine 

This is how greatly I value your hands!

The miraculous hands

Sweet melodies

 His voice sounds like a thousand instruments delicately playing a sweet harmony for me. I call it the Benmolidies!

Am caught in-between chocolate and caramel, both sweet and my favourite. Choosing is not my thing and choosing the wrong person would be a hit by a truck….the thought continues every night, as maddening as it I still go both routes, the other one is what I have always sought but only my mind is in it, and the other one was an unexpected but my whole heart is in it, so the BIG Q remains should I follow my heart or mind?

Let’s make it practical I follow the mind, the heart is not there, and that’s sort of ineffective, because I won’t enjoy or maybe put my memory on it. But the good part is it might work if I give it time, but whoa do I have the time?? I don’t know.

Then I follow my heart, my whole compassion is there, (I forget about everything) God. You tell me things and they lock themselves inside; you do things to me that make me miss you when you are not there.

 I pray every day for you, pray you never go away from my life; your smile breaks my smile too. You talk to me and my world unwraps, but it would hurt my pride to tell you how I really feel about you, only because you do not feel the same way I do. 

You're the only image in my mind so I still see you... around where ever I go... And I blame it all in your voice.

My words don’t always come out right but I mean them….Am I insane?

Let me not continue because if I do I always have my eyes filled with tears, if you ask me what are they for, I would probably not have the right answer, I still fall, and it’s all because of your voice.

I do not even know why am writing notes like this, but nothing is stopping me not to, I put the blame  to your voice, it sounds more like  my ears were made to hear whatever you say, I retaliate to my thoughts about that, I cannot take everything you say, that  makes me your emotional victim. I am trying to climb over my heart, but it appears too high…and I blame it on your voice.

Maybe you like it but I don’t know about me, and I blame it all in voice. Because you say enough for both of us, you talk am calm but I fight that, I should remain uniquely vocal too.

If I would say more now I would be trying to convince both you and others that am in love with you, sadly I also do not know how I feel, this little piece of writing is too long to me I don’t know about you but you would also blame it to your voice…. 

Sssshhhh!!! I love you and it’s all because you spoke to me…….YOUR VOICE!

Bad bathroom habits

The bathroom is the one place in our homes where our real personalities are revealed, it is where we get to chill and let it all hang.

 It also brings out the nasty side of us, women and men, young and old.

Imagine the shock, embarrassment you would feel if a person video recorded you while going on about your business in this private room.

Imagine the embarrassment if a person caught you on tape while you’re down to business in this private room?

These are some of the nasty things we do:

1. Men have a habit of not lifting the toilet sit when they peeing or if they remember to, they don’t put it down after, this irritates women no end.

2. What makes you bring that toilet paper you just used to wipe your faecal to your nose, what you expecting to smell?

3. Don’t we all wipe, fold and wipe again with the same toilet paper?

4. What really beats logic is when we get up and look down there while lifting the pants, there can only be one thing there, what you deposited!!

5. Men can’t resist playing with their little dingles and that is just nasty when you consider that very same hands will be touching the door lock everybody uses.

6.Women always leave their underwear’s, usually those that are not sexy soaked overnight in the sink, where do they expect family members to brush their teeth in the morning is anyone’s’ guess.

7. Are you left hand or right hand, do you go around or underneath when wiping, the accepted way is around, left hander’s have been accused of going underneath.

8. Some people have a habit of flashing and just go out; this is when it is appropriate to look in there, after you flashed because sometimes there would be a little piece floating there. Nobody wants to see somebody else’s faecal.

9. What is this business of reading in the toilet, what is a study or your front room sofa for, reading Madiba’s Long Walk to Freedom in the toilet is just not on.

10. Why do people sit before they check everything is in order, some people will scream for a toilet paper to be brought to them in the toilet, shit face is just not pretty.

The nasty things we do depend on the individual of cause, but the possibilities are unlimited. Both sexes accuse each other of being the worst, but the truth is we are all the same.

(Sipiwo Nkonki)

References

I dare life

It’s not simple when the world seems to turn its back on you, nothing is working for you, you are better off with strangers.  You know what I am going to say this LIFE SUCKS.

 I am asking myself why is all this happening at the same time and why is it  ME supposes to be going through this, but the next person will ask me who will abide the pain if you can’t bear it. And that God has planned this to test me, mara is it not enough now, I get the point now God life is not easy, can you let go now?

 Maybe I should be singing along with Zahara umthwalo wam uyandisinda, for how long am I am suppose to feel like this? For how long should I have sleepless nights, for how long should I stress, if it was possible would go back to my mother’s womb, where there is nothing to be anxious about.

 Am young for Gods sakes, I haven’t matured enough for independence, my mind is NOT  mature enough to pay bills and having to take care of myself. But if I don’t accept then it’s going to be much harder, its best that I have my families support.

 I don’t know what is in store for me, and I guess I cannot predict faith I just have to wait and see, and what slaughter my thoughts  is that I don’t know for how long should I wait, I do  not want to give up but some conditions really murder my self  esteem.

I try to invite other people in my life to feel better but the truth of the matter is when I go to sleep  I will be alone and they won’t be there forever I have to fix my evils, my self  esteem is down I forced to let reality sink in my intelligence. 

What I hate is that I cannot do anything at the moment but that’s impossible I have to do something I just don’t know what is it.

I wish I could unlock my future and see what I am yet to go through, so that I can prepare myself.

I want to reach my destiny 

Godly women

Arise Woman Of God
Rise up O woman of God
In what He has given you
The things God has laid on your heart
Rise up, go forth, and do
Unlock what God has placed within
The potential you have inside
The world is waiting for your release
To expand your wings and fly
Arise in your God-given gifts
For this is your finest hour
Arise in the Lord’s holy might
Ignited and empowered
For God is calling you to come forth
To impact this world for Him
Don’t hold back or limit yourself
Let His power arise within
And take His message to the world
To those that have lost their way
For you can surely make a difference
If you’d hear His voice and obey
You shall be strengthened in the Lord
As you begin to arise
Conquering those doubts that pull you down
And believe who you are in Christ
For you shall surely be transformed
As, in you, God increases more
And become a woman of true excellence
Bringing honour to her Lord

Over 1000km love

“You're making something out of nothing. Whenever I have the time, I chat and I call. I'm at work at the moment and I have work to do. In-between that, I chat and try to make sure that you get my attention. I try to multitask, like I did this morning, and you did not complain and the moment where I have to concentrate on something that is very demanding and could get me into major trouble if I don't do it carefully and properly.

If you think I’m putting you in the backseat, I'm sorry but you need to understand I'm working and I can't be on the network all the time. It’s like you waiting for me to step on your wrong toes but when I do something right and when I make the time, you hardly appreciate it.”

 These were his words when he described how he feels. I am shocked couldn’t say much, am stressed and maybe am not a girlfriend type. 

 Am not sure really how to react or respond to this, I somehow feel like I have been dragged in the mud and there is no water to wash away the dirt. I guess nobody knows how they are till someone tells them, but it’s said that you’re told something that’s going to hurt you.

What should one do after everything that they have done and gave up? Am as lost I don’t know, this so feels like getting someone who  is going to make you feel good it doesn’t matter if it’s for a few moments but at least it’s going to take away the immediate pain. Dealing with it later wouldn’t  hurt as much.

They say:

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

However not all of us can bear the pain of being in a long distance and yet you are said to be “ not appreciating” how do you know, what about the cold nights, the lonely weekends, the tears and still you  confess your love, and still stick along? How many people out there can put up with the feeling of not knowing who you really with and where you really at? 

That’s more than appreciation and it’s more than love. I do not know what is expected of me and  maybe what I should be or do.

I hate long distance relationships. I don’t know what I have put myself through, I don’t want to regret it, but am having doubts, I have never been good with relationships especially long distance ones. But there is really nothing I can do about it now. Maybe giving up would make life a lot easier but, how do I know what fate has for me, let me wait and see.